Thursday, May 31, 2012

When Should You Yield To The “Stop Signs”?

Guest Post by Gilda Evans:

You know, those little warning signs that rear their heads in the early stages of a relationship. Sometimes we pay attention but, more often than not, we choose to ignore them for one reason or another.  We’re lonely and in need of the companionship, we’ve spent far too may nights alone in bed, we’re so physically attracted to the other person we’re willing to overlook a lot (at least for a while), and so on.  But, eventually, the little gremlins accumulate and turn into monsters we can’t ignore and the relationship falters.  That’s not to say that relationships don’t take work – of course they do.  They require nurturing and tender, loving care just like any living, growing thing.  If you pay attention to your instincts, you can usually sense when there is a true potential for a promising romance to ensue.  Sometimes though, we’re dealing with a relationship that was dead on arrival, and we need to learn to blow taps over it before things begin to fester and get smelly!  Oh, if only we’d acted on our gut feelings when things were less complicated and it was easier to back out of the relationship calmly and quickly.  Often it’s more likely you will recognize those early warning signs when someone else mentions them.  So here are a few pet peeves of my own that I’ve experienced over the years…and it’s amazing how common some of them can be.  After you’ve read mine, I’d love to know a few of yours too!

- He’s way too controlling about things – where you go on a date, where you sit in the restaurant, what route you take to drive somewhere.  And he seems to know things like when you go online and where you go during the day, to the point of almost being a stalker.

- What’s yours is his.  You order a drink in the restaurant and he wants to taste it – suddenly half your drink is gone.  When the waiter asks if you want another, you say yes and suggest he get one too.  But he’d rather share yours again…and when it gets to the table he takes the first gulp.

- He doesn’t do holidays.  Excuse me?  This one especially gets to me when he has kids but Christmas or Chanukah aren’t on his to-do list.  And birthdays?  Forget about it.

- Every gift he buys you – if you’re lucky enough to get one – is practical.  Lingerie?   Jewelry?  A nice dinner out?  How about just a romantic dinner at home with a nice bottle of wine, a massage and a sexy dvd?  Nope.  Hey, nothing says “I love you” like a sharp set of steak knives!

Ok…your turn!

GILDA EVANS is an experienced dater, wife, mother and bon vivant extraordinaire who started her first business while in college at the age of 20, which she sold at a profit when she was 24.  Winning her first poetry contest at the tender age of 9 and her first essay contest at 10, writing and speaking have always been natural forms of expression for her.

Her first business was followed by two years of teaching lighting design at the prestigious Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising in Los Angeles.  The long and winding road then led Gilda to begin her stint as a television writer/producer/director, working for such venues as CBS, HBO, Showtime and Warner Brothers.  It was during this time that she also met and married her children’s father.  Twelve plus years and three Emmy and Ace award nominations later, Gilda left the TV industry to devote herself to her family.

Unfortunately, the happily ever after was not to be back then, and after a fourteen year marriage she found herself going through a divorce.  It was at that point she decided to reinvent herself and her career.  Her myriad of experiences comes to the forefront in GIRL TALK…a book series twenty years in the making whose time has finally come!  As Gilda likes to say, “I have a PhD in relationships from the school of life!”  She is also working on a YA novel series, THE ALTERNATES.

Please visit Gilda’s website at


Louise said...

Important advice, Gilda. Hate to admit it but I've known a few guys like this. The good news is they are part of my past. We live and learn. Thanks for putting some very wise words out there.

Bren Freeman said...

Great advice, hate to admit that I have been guilty of ignoring the stop signs on occassion.